WHY DO WE YELL?
Shouting is the easiest way to catch attention. We choose this habit intimidate kids who do not listen to us.
As against soft speech yelling gets us quick result. Some mothers seem to flare up at the slightest provocation and start yelling. Some mothers behave like perfect ‘puffer-fish’ parent, using their size and power to intimidate children for every infraction, or whenever they felt challenged or threatened.
Research reveals that parents don’t like shouting. Also surveyed parents reveal that they see yelling, along with spanking, as being the least acceptable disciplinary techniques, however same parents also acknowledge that they shout as much as they use time-out technique (a psychological technique with a goal to remove the child from an enriched, enjoyable environment, and therefore lead to functional punishment or extinction of the offending behavior). Parents accept that despite the fact that they don’t like yelling, they do it — and do it a lot.
A good question is -when most parents seem capable of controlling their volume and aggression low in public then why are they so quick to do it at home.
Why don’t kids Listen?
Its a common response of many parents that till the the time they shout on their kids-they do not listen, they behave as if they are deaf.There is no reason your developing children are in any way hard of hearing — just whisper the word chocolate or going out or ice-cream and remain rest assured they will hear you. Psychologist believe that if your kid chooses not to listen- there are some very good reasons in doing so.
Most kids are I believe are not being disobedient when they don’t listen. Does that means they they being rebellious or simple troublemakers? What is the deeper understanding, why do they ignore our communication?
A good answer can be that we have over a period of time trained our kids to respond on our raised voice only, asking them in a softer tone and nicer way doesn’t catch their attention, and hence we yell.
Another reason for kids not responding can be the way we speak to them—Think of yourself in the middle of something and someone asking you to stop it and do something else, how do you feel? Are you inclined to respond immediately and willingly? The bottom-line here is that kids pickup their parents habits and a big reason why your kid doesn’t listen is that someone at-home bears a similar attitude.
Furthermore, what is the main reason we usually speak to our children? Most children will say when we call their name it means one of two things: I’m in trouble, or I’m going to be asked to do chores. So our children stop responding to us because our communication with them is typically only to correct or direct.
So the issue isn’t really about getting our children to listen. They can hear us just fine — they just don’t want to hear what we are constantly nagging them about. The issue is more about finding a way to invite our children to comply with basic requests in a timely manner — and keeping the volume down while we do it. Sometimes dealing with this behavior may make a parent feel stripped of power and control in their own home.
What shouting does to your kid
1. Shouting confuses kids
2. Shouting instills fear and insecurity in the child
3. Children treat shouting as a threat to their safety and confidence
4. Long term shouting can result in your kid suffering from fear, stress, anxiety, under-confidence, behavioral and academic problems, developmental delays, poor coping skills, social difficulties and insomnia.
5. Shouting associated with bad body language, criticism and sarcastic or foul language does irreparable damage to the minds and brains of your young kid.
6. In order to defend themselves from perceived or real danger, Kids block the message sent across through raised voice hence totally miss it. That’s why shouting has poor response. It also instills stubbornness in children.
Here are some guidelines to help your child — and you — get through this trying stage.
1. Examine the possible sources of his behavior. Going through an especially stressful time with peers, struggling at school or home, or having problems with friends may trigger uncooperative behavior. Take an objective look at whether the other members of your family resolve their problems peacefully and show respect for one other. It’s important that you set a good example by respecting others and working through your differences.
2. Open a dialogue. Try to have your child view you as an ally rather than an enemy.
3. Keep your cool. Always show your child the respect that you ask him to show you. If you react to your child’s talking back by exploding or losing your temper, he will only respond with more disobedience and disrespect.
4. Compliment your child for good behavior. Reward your child when she is obedient and respectful. Give her positive feedback when she shows cooperation and peaceful resolution of disagreements.
5. Remember that being a child isn’t easy. Children believe that they are more capable than they really are and tend not to understand the restrictions placed on them. Don’t forget that you probably went through a power struggle with your parents at one time or another.
Shouting is like a human fire alarm, use it with caution and only as a signal of danger, while it might be tempting to shout refrain yourself from the temptation.
Dr. Amitabh Singh is the founder of AadyantaLife. He provides alternative and complementary healing therapies to difficult ailments including cancer. He specializes in Mindfulness Meditation coaching for corporate and business leaders. His thought provoking enlightening lectures are for those who are interested in alternative ways to improve their lifestyle and well being.